Do They All Die?
by sinflower.exe
Summary: America has lost so many people, but yet he doesn't let it bother him. Or is that just an act he puts up to the boring audience? The countries find letters that he's written to the people once close to him, but left so quickly. Rated T for safety.
1. Chapter 1

America likes to be a bit sad sometimes.

Sometimes he likes to think about all the times he messed up and dream about how it would be if he was just... _Better._ A better version of himself, a better him, he wants to change so badly, he wants to just... Live up to every expectation, he wants to be the meaning of perfection, but it never happens, and it hurts when the fact dawns on him.

But then he realizes nobody else can be perfect either, so he places back that lovely fake smile- but _don't_ let that fool you! That smile that's more golden than his hair, that seems more _pure_ than those blue eyes that can rival all the oceans combined together- don't. It's just a shell of what's inside the treasure chest we call 'Alfred'.

Alfred is his human name, but he never goes by it anymore, he doesn't even think of himself as anywhere near humane.

Besides, nobody else calls him it anyways, because nations only call one another by so when they're close, friends, as they say, but Al- America?

He doesn't have friends.

Sure, perhaps Ki- _Japan_ (he really needs to remember to stop calling him Kiku) could've been considered one, but it all disappeared when he hurt Hawaii, his sweet little boy, his son, his golden ray of sunshine. He remembers the pain in his leg, but it could never match the pain in his heart from the screaming of his young state. Of course, Hawaii reborned into a new person, but yet Alfred couldn't help but think of his little boy that once giggled quietly, and talked as if the moon hid itself away somewhere in his body- mysterious yet so majestic.

England lost all his rights to be anywhere close to a friend ever since those incidents years ago. America will laugh and pretend that it never even bothered him, but it did... It really did, and he thinks he's pathetic for holding those grudges, but all that self-pity turns into hatred when he remembers how that poor excuse for a father turned his own _brother_ against him.

Canada... His once brother, now nothing but dirt to him. America will always notice him, but he pretends not to. Matthew doesn't deserve anything from him, ever since burning his other son. Washington D.C was so young, and went away so quickly, as personifications of cities die even more easily than humans, which is why America used to be so protective of him.

He never saw D.C again.

Prussia? America laughed at the thought of Prussia ever being close to him more than just a drinking partner. No matter how much they tried, they could never be friends, but believe him when he says he tried, he really did, and he wished he could change his personality to just be someone that could blend with anyone.

Denmark was sweet, and more of a brother than Canada could ever be, but it just... Can't. Won't. It wasn't like they wouldn't make good friends, it's just that by this point, America can't let _anyone_ near him anymore.

His true friends were dead.

He always enjoyed a good laugh with Hamilton and his friends, and his heart would flutter away like dust at the thought of Philip. George Washington was really a great man, along with most of his other presidents, they were all like family to him, and he still can't get over the fact that they all had to die.

Davie, the little boy that loved blue flowers to an old man wrinkly and with Death knocking at his door. Alfred wiped away a tear from his eye at the thought of those dark blue eyes just shades away from his own, and the slicked back hair that reminded him just a bit of Germany, but yet with an innocent personality that had a hint of Italy, the mind that had a sprinkle of England and France, and the intelligence like China, but the way he acted so immature like South Korea and... Himself?

That was Davie. A little bit of everyone he once considered friends.

America sobbed as another choked cry left his throat- thank _God_ that his children left early to go back to their own homes, but yet America could not help the horrible feeling everytime they left.

It reminded him too much of those failed colonies.

"Vee~ those are really nice drawings, America!" Italy praised, slinging an arm around America's shoulder. America looked up at the clock, the meeting was just ending.

"Who are those of?" Germany asked, a bit curious.

America looked down, not realizing he's been drawing Davie, George Washington, Fort Caroline, Ajacan, and Roanoke, and the beginning sketches of a few others he remembered. He stopped tears from exiting his eyes as he remembered how beautiful they were, especially Fort Carloine, Ajacan, and Roanoke. They were his little sisters, he was supposed to protect them, and he failed. So horribly.

"America, are you alright?" England asked with fake concern.

America stopped himself from glaring at him, then pretended to check the time again, "Oh! Look, we should really be getting back home, right? Haha, sorry, these- th... They're not important, really, just doodles, I guess. Hey, I have, um, a meeting with someone else soon, so bye!" He grabbed all his stuff and ran out the door.

If only he knew what chaos that would've caused for him.

 **A/N:**

okay, so a little short, but I was listening to Hamilton, got sad, and wanted to write something sad. Then I was like, "wait why not just torture america again :O"

I had a little headcanon that America was like BFFs with his failed colonies, and got super upset when they all died, but didn't realize they were his colonies until a little while later. Because he knew they were like him, he just didn't know about all the other stuff until later because England never explained the shit to him.


	2. Chapter 2

"Vee~ do you think we should be snooping around America's house?" Italy asked, Romano just swatting his head with a quick _'shut up!'_ Just in case they woke up America, as they were in the same room as them, except he was sleeping. On his chair, his head in a pile of paperwork as a pillow, with ink spilling on his hands from clenching it too hard, probably because of a horrible nightmare.

France rolled his eyes at Italy's question, which he's been asking for the past _30 minutes!_ Seriously, does the boy ever shut up? England was looking through drawers, while Canada just sat there, watching America sleep with an amused expression. China wanted to look for money, and Japan was supervising him because China always got carried away when it came to money.

"Oh, look, the Awesome Me found something!" Prussia exclaimed, rather loudly as Canada covered America's ears, getting a glass shard thrown at him which he skillfully avoided, as America always did this in his sleep whenever something bothered him. The other nations were more freaked out at this.

Germany whisper-yelled, "Is he _insane?_ Also, Gilbert, shut up!"

"Da, I agree. Prussia, shut up, you were and are annoying," Russia rolled his eyes. Other nations got annoyed at him, but it immediately turned to fear when Russia gave them a warning glance.

England pushed Prussia away and looked inside the box in his hands, "These look like letters."

"Probably because they are letters." France giggled.

"Shut up, frog!"

Canada excitedly grabbed one, as others crowded around him.

Japan grabbed China's wrist and pulled him to the others, "Maybe we should all sit down and have England read the letters (Canada glared at him, Japan quickly explained how quiet his voice was), so we're more organized."

Everyone else quickly agreed, as they all sat down in a circle.

England grabbed twoletters tied to each other., reading loudly:

"Dear Roanoke,

Hello! I'm sorry if my handwriting is a bit hard to read, England makes me write like this, and it's horrible because it's really useless. Anyways, how are you? I didn't get to hang out with you because England was visiting, and I have to meet up with him, but I don't mind because I never get to talk to him that much, he's always away.

I miss Native America, but he can be so mean sometimes. I think he liked my brother better, but I hope not.

I miss you more, though!

From,

America."

Other nations found this extremely adorable, and Japan had a small issue of keeping his squealing at a quiet level.

"Dear Roanoke," England gagged at the fact the edges were lined with blood, "I'm writing this while the monster is killing you all-"

Everyone tensed.

"- you're right next to me, and England told me about good people going to Heaven, and becoming angels, so I hope you see this from Heaven. Why did you leave me? Why did you, Caroline, and Ajacan leave me? Is it weird that there's a feeling in my chest right now? It feels like there's a lump in my throat, and it hurts to breathe, and when I look at the light, it's blurry. I tell other people that look my age this, but they tell me to go away because I'm weird. Please please please come back after you go to Heaven!

From,

America."

China was sobbing into Russia's arm, who looked disgusted but let him do so anyway, as he felt a bit bad for the American as well. The other nations looked almost uncomfortable as they all expected America to have the easiest life- I mean, America the country was known for being obese, rude, and annoying, why would he have any issues?

Canada almost looked betrayed, why didn't his brother tell him of this? Were they not the closest twins could be?

France almost looked guilty, and remembered how much he used to argue with Spain back then.

England pulled another envelope from the box, but this time it only had a drawing in it with a small note stuck to it, with cursive writing and a petal of a blue flower now wilted saying, " _Come back."_

Italy wiped a small tear from his eye, "America is so sad!"

Germany just patted his shoulder awkwardly.

Arthur sighed, "Well, America isn't going to wake up soon, and we have still quite a lot of letters to go through. Don't you feel a bit bad for going through his stuff?"

"That's what I was saying!" Italy complained, but it went ignored.

"Not at all. In fact, it should bring us closer to America, right?" Gilbert shrugged, everyone finding themselves agreeing as England grabbed another pile of letters.

"Dear D.C

I know it's boring staying in the house for your whole life, but it's just something that needs to be done. Your body is more fragile than even humans, and I can't risk losing another one that's dear to me. I'll even bring you some of the sweets I found, as long as you do as you're told. Anyways, stay strong, I'll be back soon.

From,

America."

"Who's D.C?" China asked, suddenly getting nervous looks from some people- more specifically, Canada, England, and France.

"Well... D.C is a city, that I burned down in 1812." Canada looked embarrassed, but the glares didn't come to him, and instead England, who was feeling like prey surrounded by wolves, "I remember seeing America holding a dead child in his hands, but I didn't think too much of it."

"You- you didn't think about it when you saw a dead child in his hands." Gilbert said, his tone almost amused but his face so dead-serious that it was just... It was so unnatural for the usually immature and happy former Kingdom to hold that expression, that even Germany looked scared or even frightened for a second. Russia was, but he hid it behind a creepy smile.

"I'm sorry!" Canada yelled, hushing it down once he saw America stir a little, going back to a whisper, "I was really angry at that time!"

England cleared his throat.

"Dear D.C,

I should've known this would've happened. Yes, this is years after your death, but I can't help it. There are so many things I want to tell you, but I can't. I'm so sorry, if I was a bit better of an older brother (well more like father, as you call me), you could be here with me. Where did I mess up so badly?

It's all my fault, please don't blame Canada. It was mine for just starting the Revolutionary War. Your siblings didn't even know you existed! There are so many people that could've met you, but didn't because of me.

I'm horrible, aren't I? You don't need to forgive me while you're up there in a place I wish so much to be in, but can't.

From,

America."

Russia dabbed away some tears with his scarf, as Canada broke down into sobs.

"I'm such a terrible brother! God... If I just-" France immediately stopped him by pulling him into a hug, England looked so guilty that others almost pitied him.

"Why didn't America tell us? Weren't we his friends?"

Is what everyone was thinking, but no one really said, and no one really knew the answer anyways. But yet everyone knew the answer, even if they wanted to deny it,

They will never truly be close to him, as he refused to let them anymore. They had the chance long ago, but refused it, and even if they wanted the chance back, it would be useless to ask now.

England again, cleared his throat, "D-"

"What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Everyone looked up to see America holding a knife to England's throught, a bittersweet smile on his face as he glared at them, asking again, a bit more clearly and angrily.

"Did you not hear me? What the fuck do you think you're doing? In my house, reading my letters that _YOU!"_ Everyone jumped when America let go and pointed his finger and knife at England, "- _tainted_ with your filthy, blood-filled hands?"


End file.
